Well! I started off the month with good intentions. Even got my first post in early. There I am! #154. And then…
I don't know what the hell happened. But I completely fizzled. I had trouble writing my Halloween post, and it just snowballed from there. Suddenly I couldn't write anything. And when I couldn't think about what to write or how to write it, I just made sure I was too busy to try.
I came very close to quitting NaBloPoMo. But tonight things seemed to click. And it helped that The Girl went to bed early, and The Boy has a friend sleeping over, and The Husband couldn't make it through SNL. Suddenly I was alone with my laptop. And I just wanted to write.
So here I am, with my wine and my laptop, writing my second post of the evening- my third for NaBloPoMo so far. The whole house is sleeping, even the cat is sacked out next to me on the couch. Hot Tub Time Machine is on with the sound turned down low.
Part of my problem, I'm sure is my anxiety. As I said on day 1, it's back! And it's keeping me from feeling good about too much lately. This weekend has been better, because I'm making a fucking effort, which is what I know I always need to do to get through this shit. But it still sucks and I'm still plagued by self-doubt. And holiday plans are starting to emerge, and oh hey. Look at my blood pressure rise.
But no really it will be ok. I'm sure of it. So! Not quitting NaBloPoMo just yet.