Friday, February 28, 2014

Guilt. An Outpouring.

I've been wallowing in guilt these last couple of weeks.  Fun!  Here are a few things that I've been guilt ridden about lately...

Being a terrible mother.

Being a terrible wife.  Or a selfish one?  I'm not sure.  Maybe a bit of both.

Not going to the gym regularly.

Staying up too late.

Being diplomatic.  Because sometimes people want you to be stronger at running interference.  Or something.  I don't know.  Why can't we all just act like adults and get shit done?  People are goddamn confusing.

My house should be cleaner.

And the clean clothes have sat in the dryer too long this week.  Really.

Not always having the patience to deal with the boundary testing of my 3 year old.

Not sending thank you cards in a timely manner.

Being a terrible listener when I know better because I'm usually a good one.  I don't know where my mind is these days.

I should really be eating better.

Not sending photos.  I suck at that.  And I have so many photos to send.  Some are way overdue.

And just not keeping in touch with people in general.  I used to be better at that too.

Wanting more time alone.

Being diplomatic.  Because sometimes, people act way more hurt by what you say than, let's be honest, they probably are.  And then you have to go back and stroke egos and then they still drag their feet anyway and don't do what they keep saying they will do.  People are fucking frustrating.

Not being able to let some stuff go.

Not always having the energy to deal with the emotional roller coaster that is an 11 year old.

OK.  Not always having the energy to just generally be the parent I want to be.

Not being more organized.

Feeling as though I may be constantly disappointing people.

Going out with friends and drinking too much when my family goes away for an overnight ski trip and I promise myself that I'm going to be so, so productive while they're gone.  And then I wake up the next day with a raging headache and it takes me hours to actually get my act together.

Talking too much.

Feeling burned out with some of my volunteer work.

Being annoyed with relatives.

Staying just a little too long.

Being quite irritated with parents I don't know who say things at birthday parties like, 'I mean, I don't pay $17,000 a year in tuition to have my kid's teacher tell me she's at the bottom of her kindergarten class.'

Being judgey.

There are things on my front porch that desperately need to be put away.  But it's just so cold.  

Feeling irrationally annoyed with crowds.

Not writing here.


  1. Sometimes I make lists like this too. I hope it helped you to clear these thoughts out of your mind and start fresh!

    1. Thanks Traci! I think it helped a bit, although I'm just beginning to think warm weather and sunshine will do wonders for my outlook. Happy spring!