This was not my best day. PMS, insomnia, and anxiety do not make a great combination. Throw a grey November day into the mix, and it made for a miserable morning.
The Girl and I had plans to go to a friend's house for a playdate. They're neighbors of ours, and we've been there many times before. The mom is incredibly creative, so the house is beautifully decorated. Not overdone- very warm, cozy, and kid-friendly. Very kid-friendly. Lots of amazing spaces set up for playing and creating.
Normally, I admire the house and then I am completely content to go home to my own, much less organized space. Today I proceeded to feel worse about myself. I should be doing more with my house, I thought. More organizing and creating more friendly spaces for my kids and their things. I looked around her house and had complete shelf and cabinet envy. And envy over any other clever things she had set up. Surely, I told myself, I am ruining my children and my family by not being better at this sort of thing.
It kind of sucks, beating yourself up over this stuff. I don't feel as though my friend is in the least bit competitive or judgey. So really, I just need to lighten up. It's not as though I don't try. I do. I start projects around the house. All the time. The problem is that I never have quite enough time to finish them. So everything around here seems to be about 80% done. I get to that point, and then it's time to pick someone up, or take someone to another activity, or someone gets up from a nap... And when I could come back to the project, something else has magically appeared and taken priority.
It's fine, really. I know that one day I'll be an empty nester and I'll be miserable without the chaos and clutter and commotion. At least that's how I'm picturing my future. I'm sure that I'll miss my kids terribly, and that will mean missing all of the messiness and noisiness that comes with them. I tell myself this on those days when I'm not getting anything done, trying to remind myself that really, it's ok.
And it is ok, right? Because honestly, the idea that I will die before all of our family photos are labelled and organized can totally keep me up at night.