Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Up All Night


For the last few months I haven't been sleeping.  I mean, sleeping well.  I feel like that guy in the video who's smashing the clock.  Thank God my house isn't crawling with snakes.

Not sleeping leads to all kinds of not doing things.  I'm up because I can't sleep, so, I think, I may as well do something productive.  Only I don't, because I'm so fucking tired.  Emails and mail pile up.  So do the piles of clutter around my house.  Also, blog posts started, but never finished.  Those pile up too.  I think that I'm sooo tired,surely tonight will be the night that I fall asleep.  Only I don't.  Instead, my head hits the pillow and my mind races.  I worry about...things.  Lots of them, and none of them really worth losing sleep over.  

Or, I'm so tired, but my husband snores.  Loudly.  Man, does he snore.  I keep hitting him until he doesn't snore, and then I try really hard to fall asleep within five minutes before he starts snoring again.  The snoring is bad.  It may be the worst thing about trying to sleep.  Because the nights when I'm so exhausted and I'm so sure that I could fall asleep, I don't because the bedroom is too noisy.  Nose strips don't work.  Humidifiers don't work.  More exercise and less booze works.  We need more of that in our lives.

Living as an insomniac kind of sucks really, no matter what Dave Attell says.  It's frustrating to lie in bed while your mind races.  Or while it refuses to focus on anything other than the noises in the room.  Or even in the house.  Those wake me up too.  I've always been a light sleeper, but it got worse with The Boy, and worse still with The Girl.  My brain perceives every noise as a potential threat and rouses me from sleep.  This is new, actually.  Like in the last six months.  I've always taken forever to fall asleep, but it used to be that once I was asleep I stayed asleep.  Not any more. 

Part of this is my fault, of course.  I can't sleep, so I pick up my phone or my tablet and start surfing the web.  Which everyone tells you not to do, because it triggers your brain to stay awake.  One night two weeks ago I came across this study.  Which was awesome because it was 2 AM and I was reading an article about how lack of sleep is now being tied to Alzheimer's & Dementia.  So, yea me.

I guess, all this to say that I miss writing, among other things.  And I'm going to try to not surf the web in bed when I'm not falling asleep.  And I'm going to try to go to bed at a decent hour instead of allowing myself to stay up.  And I'm going to try to not have caffeine in the afternoons.  Because I love coffee and tea, especially with the weather getting colder, but I'm also convinced that it's killing me.  At least a little bit.  And I'm really going to try and bring a little balance back to my life, and get more done around here and do some things that I enjoy like writing for God's sake.  But more on that soon.

Anyway.  We'll see how this all goes.

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