Saturday, December 29, 2012

Resolve

I originally started this post two weeks ago.  I was going to write about the frenzy of the holiday season, how behind I was, how tired I was with trying to keep up, not just with the holidays but life in general.  So very tired.  I didn't get far with the post and decided that I would just set it aside for the weekend when maybe I wouldn't mind staying up late to write it.

Then Sandy Hook happened.  It felt selfish to write a litany of complaints. Instead of writing I spent the weekend crying.  Not that we knew anyone personally effected, but it was such a tragedy.  So many lives lost.  It was hard not to think of the children, their teachers, their families.  I won't go into it too much here.  Many others have done that already.  I will say that we need less access to assault weapons and we need more access to effective mental health care.  Both needs are going to be hard to meet anytime soon.  Our priorities in this country are mixed up.  We are a mess.

I had a hard time getting into the holiday spirit this year, even before Sandy Hook happened.  We did all of our usual things.  We visited Santa at Phipps.  I took the kids to the Nutcracker.  We bought our tree and the kids decorated it.  I sent cards- much later than usual.  I bought presents for everyone- way much later than usual.  We went to Christmas parties.  I enjoyed seeing people, but I just couldn't get into it. I kept waiting to feel festive.  It didn't happen.

This week has been better, I think.  I'm not sure that I feel festive, but we've been visiting with a lot of people we love, and that's been so so great.  We saw my mother and grandmother for Christmas Eve & Christmas morning.  That was awesome.  Between my father and my in-laws it's been years since I've seen my mom and grandmother on Christmas.  Around Christmas, but not on the actual day.  So that was really wonderful.  We went to my in-laws in Hidden Valley for Christmas dinner.  That was nice too, since my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, and his fiancee were all there.  The next day they all went skiing with the husband and the boy, leaving me to read a mindless mystery novel while the girl took a nap.  More awesomeness.

We're back home now and we enjoyed dinner out with good friends last night.  Their oldest spent the night and the boys have been totally geeked.  The kids had a great holiday and the boy and the husband have several more days at home before the daily grind starts up again.  I've decided to forget about my lack of cheer and look forward to New Year's Eve- a holiday I've always loved.  Getting together with friends, drinking champagne, I even like taking stock and making resolutions.  Resolving to be a better person and the different ways to try and achieve that.  It's not that I think I'll turn out perfect by the end of the year- even just slightly better is ok really.  But it's always good to try, and at the beginning of the New Year I always feel like anything is possible.  Maybe even some New Year's cheer.

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