This morning has been full of tears. The girl is tired. We're all tired. I went to bed after working late and the husband was snoring- as he does. The snoring is worse in the fall because of his allergies. It was so bad that the girl was awake when I got to bed around 1AM. We both laid there, awake. I kept hitting the husband- it's what I do and it only works for like a minute. I spend that minute trying desperately to fall asleep before the snoring starts again. It must work most of the time at some point during the night because I eventually fall asleep. But it didn't work last night.
Finally the girl started to fuss. Before she was born if the husband snored I would stumble into the boy's room and sleep the rest of the night there. I looked at the girl. We were both miserable. 'Do you want to go to brother's room?' I asked. She nodded her head. So we left our room to go into his. 'Bye bye Daddy, ' she said as we walked out.
The boy woke up briefly when we came in, but seemed to fall back asleep right away (I was told this morning he did not fall asleep. sigh.). Anyway. I thought he was asleep and I thought the girl would pass out too. But no. She wanted to try and wake her brother up. If he was there then it must be playtime. By 3AM we were back in our bed. I don't know what time we all fell asleep, but we somehow managed. Of course at that point it wasn't enough sleep. So here we are. Tears all morning long. I even tried to put her down for an early nap, but she was having none of it.
When she finally did take her nap, I opened up my email. A friend had sent me this about River Phoenix's last movie. Oh. River Phoenix. Honestly he was pretty great at what he did, and he is one of those people that I think about now and then, and I think about what a shame it is that he's gone and what he might have done if he hadn't died.
I remember hearing about him dying. It was a Sunday evening and I was doing a radio show on Sunday nights then (well, Monday mornings really, from midnight-5AM). The husband (who was then the boyfriend), my roommate and I were watching the news and heard about it that way. We were all surprised, of course. He was so young. I did my show that night, mentioned that I'd heard about his death, and played the B-52s 'My Own Private Idaho'. Friends of mine were up and listening and called to say that they didn't know he had died until they heard my announcement. (Months later they would hear about Kurt Cobain's death from me too. I'm quite the messenger.) Anyway, very sad.
As I read this I realize that there's been lots of death on this blog recently, and I'm not sure what to do about that. Write about something else, obviously, but I do feel like lately every time I turn around there's more death, or reminders of death. So. I guess I'll work on that.